Question
If I come to one of your events will I be dragged up onto the stage by some Dominant, Master or Mistress? And what if I don't want to go on stage?
A: No-one has to do ANYTHING they do not feel comfortable doing. Its OK to say NO THANK YOU if you happened to be approached and we would not allow ANYONE to be "dragged" up onto a stage UNLESS it was their "choice" to do so. Many people may just sit back, relax and chat, while others may prefer to "play". Its totally up to YOU *smile*
Question
I am worried that if I came along to your function that I would look out of place as I am just "normal" looking and don't have much in the way of "fetish" wear even though I really like it. Plus if I had it, I'm really not that game to wear it out in public.
A: This may surprise you to know that although "some" people like to dress in fetish there are others who also wear "normal" clothes (albeit mostly black but ya get a lot of that in this community *smile*.) No-one expects you to turn up in the "kink" outfit of the decade and there are some who you will never see in fetish / kink wear as they prefer to only wear it in private, while others just love to go for broke. So there is a great "mix" of all sorts of people and clothing .... I'm sure once you came along .. and after chatting to others from this lifestyle .. the problem with "what you were going to wear" would be the last thing on your mind * cheeky grin * Its an "each to their own philosophy". As for just looking "normal" ....... well you should fit right on in because once you came along you would see that everyone is "normal" looking if you put aside that some choose to dress up and others like to wear interesting makeup etc. Its what ever YOU feel comfortable wearing and just be YOU *smile*
Question
I thought that people who were into Domination or submission and BDSM and all that "stuff " would also be into drugs? I'm not into drugs and don't want to be in a place where others may be.
A: Drugs are NOT allowed at any Hush Now functions and for the most part (if not just about all know to us) most of people in the D/s community are responsible enough not to mix drugs or alcohol with any play. It is a requirement of entry not bring or use drugs at any of our functions.
Question
What do I say if a Master/Mistress or a Dominant person comes over and talks to me? I would love to meet one but have never been in a venue where they might be.
A: Well...... they are people just like YOU *smile* and as long as you are respectful and polite then a simple "hello how are you" would get the ball rolling. For some it can be a pretty "awe inspiring" experience to meet a Dom etc for the first time, yet for others its just a walk in the park. Just be yourself and have FUN and try not to let your nerves get the better of you. If you are a little nervous, then please speak to one of our staff and they will show you around and introduce you to other lifestyler's known to us. You will find that there will most probably be many "new" people coming along just like yourself.
If anyone is rude to you in anyway then .... its ok to end the conversation or if need be you are always welcome to speak to one of our helpers. Respectful and polite behavior is expected by all attending Hush Now functions.
Question
I am 35 year old, single, heterosexual male and wondered what the general age is of people attending your functions and is the crowd gay, straight or mixed ?
A: Predominately, the people attending Hush Now functions are in the 30+ 40+ 50+ age group, singles and couples and although the crowd is mostly straight or bi-females, we do get a nice mix of all orientations as everyone is welcome.
Question
My "kink" is that I like to cross dress and wondered if you get any others who share my kink at all attending your functions?
A: Yes we do have a number of people who come along to our functions who are cross dressers. As previously stated, Hush Now is open to people from all walks of life and any "kinks"... as long as you are polite and respectful to others, then ALL are welcome.*s*
Question
What is the difference between a Hush Now function and a Swinger's Party, and is there any sex play or nudity at your functions?
A: Hush Now functions are geared toward the lighter aspects of Domination and submission (ie flogging, humiliation, cropping, spanking, light bondage etc) and are "Nothing" like a Swingers Party (ie it's not a sex party). As stated in the Conditions of Entry, there is to be no sexual penetration at any of our functions. As for nudity: if say for instance, you were playing on the X frame and you would feel more comfortable semi naked or naked, then it's at your discretion. Total nudity is not encouraged outside of the context of play, as we are usually in a public venue.
Question
What is the difference between a Pro-Domme (or Pro-Dom) and a lifestyler and what does some of the "lingo" mean that I hear used when people are chatting either on the net or at a club like Hush Now?
A: Ok to answer the first question - a Pro-Dom/me is a person who works professionally in a commercial environment (ie like a fully equipped dungeon) as a Dominatrix and they charge people for their services.
A "lifestyler" is someone who incorporates the D/s lifestyle in varying degrees in their every day life. There are some Pro-Dom/mme's who are also "lifestylers" as well (just to confuse you *grin*).
The term "vanilla" is also used by many in this lifestyle when chatting or referring to someone who may not have any knowledge of D/s or about an event etc. ie. we are heading off to a vanilla party = it's not a D/s type party. It's an easy
way for people to clarify when they are speaking about matters or people not related to the D/s scene.
The word "scene" can refer to the social part of the D/s lifestyle or it can refer to a play scenario.
The word "play" (also known as a scene) is used by many after negotiations etc have taken place and forms of play commence. This does NOT necessarily encompass sexual forms of play but rather all types of D/s play (ie as mild as someone kneeling or
someone having a very soft flogging etc.)
Question
I am worried about coming along just incase I see someone I know or ...... worse ...... what if I see someone from WORK!!
A: This is a very common worry for many people who are thinking about coming along for the first time. I tell people the same thing I was told when I stepped out. "If you see someone you know .........then they are
there for the same reason as you ..... to meet others and have a good time! Privacy is a BIG thing in our scene and at our club and it is held in very high regard by all. Remember the person you see is taking the same risk you are by coming along. I was recently
told by a female submissive that she saw a guy at our club who goes to her gym and when she saw him she said she nearly died ..... but he came over and said HI ... isn't this is great place!! She was immediately set at ease and relieved and they chatted for a few
minutes before both heading back to do their own thing. When I went to my first munch in Melbourne I nearly died as there was a lady there I knew and I spent the first 30 min trying to avoid eye contact with her and I wanted to leave the restaurant as I felt very self
conscious and exposed ....... when she finally saw me she came over and said ...... Hi Tan ..... it's so nice to see you here ...... great meal hey!! I was expecting her to say ..... OH MY GOD what on EARTH of YOU doing here?????? but nope ..... she was very
matter of fact and it felt like we were both sharing a secret ....... I knew "she" had and interest in D/s or BDSM and she knew "I" had one too ....... and that was that. Nothing more was said ....... and that seems to be how it is for many.
Respecting peoples privacy is very high on the list of protocols within this scene and if anyone was to abuse this then they would be ostracized by many.
Remember, having an interest in D/s or BDSM is nothing to be ashamed about and its so nice to see the general public slowly getting more educated about D/s and BDSM.
Question
I have finally built up the courage to come along to to your STEPPING OUT function, as it would be my first time to one of these kind of events, could you explain what it would look like inside the venue and what goes on just
so I am sort of prepared.
A: The first thing to look for are our PINK balloons outside the door. This will help you identify that you are at the right address... (yes, how embarrassing to walk in to the wrong venue in all your fetish glory .... I
did that once *shudder* and that is why we have the balloons)... no matter where Hush Now hold its functions in Melbourne we will always have our Pink balloons outside the door. The venue we currently use
it very small and intimate and can only hold about 30 or so
people and we chose it because it is OUT OF THE CITY = easy to get a park, it's
NON smoking and we have the little place all to ourselves. It's on the South
East of the city and about a 45 min drive out from the city. It's downstairs and
underground so it's VERY private and the fact we have it all to ourselves makes
it feel more like a private little club more than anything else. Once you come
down the stairs to the bottom you are in the venue. You will see our Door Bitch
at the bottom of the stairs and this is where you are greeted and pay and asked
if you have read our conditions of entry etc. and then come on in! Because ours
is a PRIVATE function the general public are NOT
permitted entry. Once in
the room you will see a large bar right in front of you and some tables and
chairs and our CROSS and SPANKING bench near the back wall as well as some
"toys" laying on the Spanking bench (ie floggers etc).
The bar is a fully licensed and the lighting is mostly dim with
candles and a mix of background
music playing.
(No overly loud Doff Doff music
blasting you ear drums)
I (Mistress Tan) try to get around and introduce myself to all the new people, however if I miss you then please don't be shy and come on over and say hello! Around
10-00pm I begin my little chat and
information session and cover various
subjects to do with D/s or BDSM. Often my subjects are based
on questions I have been asked that night by new people as we try to cover
topics of interest along with the basics. We finish the chat once all the
questions have been answered and most of the time it opens for the floor for
chatting to go on all night amongst our patrons, so it's a wonderful ice
breaker! Usually by then most new people feel a lot more comfortable and this is
when they get more BRAVE and ask questions they REALLY wanted to know or they
come over and ask if they can feel and touch some of the toys I have on display.
Although there are some toys in the venue it's polite to always ask before touch
anyone's toys. We often have LOTS of giggles and everyone enjoys the night
without it being a really late night. These days Hush finishes around 1am.
Question
My wife and I would really love to come along and use some of your equipment as it looks really HOT but we don't want to look like dorks etc so is it ok if we ask one of your helpers to show us what to do.
A: Sure that's what Hush
Now is all about and that is why we have our helpers. In fact sometimes things
like our CROSS that can look pretty straight forward to some, can be a pretty
intimidating to others. We have a LIMIT time on play on each piece of equipment
(15 min). This allows everyone to have a go and stops people from
"hogging" it.
If it is the cross that you have an interest in using then a couple of little
hints:-
Rather than just walk on
up and tie your partner to it ........ take your TIME ... do it slowly and touch
their arms as you slowly raise them up. Talk to them softly and reassure them of
the great time they are going to have. Remember they are placing their TRUST in
you to look after them and join them in a wonderful journey.
Do NOT stretch the arms high above the head but rather hold their arms up to a
comfortable point and then clip them in place. (some people who are a tad
claustrophobic prefer to just hold the cross rather than be tied to it.... this
is naturally fine) Our Cross has "I bolts" down each side to accommodate
people of all heights. It is VERY important for you to Communicate and
WATCH the person you are playing with ..... I mean things like, get a friend to
stand on the other side of the Cross to check their EYES ... (if they are
looking a tad glazed then they maybe off in sub space and may sound a little
groggy or not quite with it ...... time for YOU to be alert and gauge the play
and stop it if YOU think your partner has had enough... their response time
maybe a little slower than normal due to their euphoric state. This is when the
RESPONSIBLE parts comes in) Check that your partner's knees are straight
and not bent or going wobbly (ie like jelly). If so, then stop the play
before their arms have to take their full weight. Do this in a calm and
slow manner, talking to your partner the whole time. Keep checking your
partner's HANDS to make sure they are NOT going cold and that they are
responding to your touch. As a general rule of thumb it is a good idea not to
have someone's hands tied up above their heart for a long period of time (ie
more than 15 - 20 min). If at any time your partner complains of "tingling"
down the arms or any other unusual signs, then take the person down. It is
better to be SAFE than sorry. Also watch their breathing ....... initially I
find most people breath quite fast when first in play and then within a few
minutes or so, it seems to slow right down with a few big sighs. This is when I
believe the person is most relaxed and usually drifting into a form of sub
space.
Please always be SAFE & RESPONSIBLE in all your play no matter what
piece of equipment you may use or whatever form of play you might try. Accidents
sadly can and do happen but at least you can do your best to prevent them from
happening by being responsible.
Question
I thought BDSM and Domination & submission was about thumping, wacking, and hitting people .... you know someone yelling or being really super bossy to someone who gets off on it?
A: Sadly I feel the general population think this is what BDSM & D/s "is" all about. Let me make one point VERY clear .... BDSM & D/s is NOT about ABUSE, nor is it about hurting or harming someone.
You see BDSM & D/s is about "Consenting Adults" having a GOOD TIME ... if this means experiencing a little bondage, which is done in a Safe and Consensual manner and you have negotiated the play and you are with someone you TRUST ... then this
is NOT ABUSE. If you enjoy being spanked or flogged and you negotiate the play with someone you TRUST and they adhere to Safe, Sane and Consensual play ... then this is NOT ABUSE.... however ... if you are "forced" to do something that you have not
agreed to or you are placed in a situation where you feel UNSAFE and the person you are with does not care ....... then this is ABUSE.
Although some people in this lifestyle enjoy what I would call "extreme play" ...this does not necessarily mean they would enjoy a similar situation that was not "negotiated" first......let me try to explain this with a couple of examples...
Example A: Person A loves bondage and the idea of being kidnapped. So person A's Mistress chatted to a few close friends in the scene to set up this role play. Person A & his Mistress discussed a scene similar to the one she had organized and she checked if Person A was claustrophobic etc before it went ahead. (Keep in mind ... as much as some people "think" they can cope with a scene .. you must be prepared incase they change their mind at the last minute or during the scene. Giving them a Safe Word to use is imperative) Person A had a Safe Word which was RED ...for: STOP and YELLOW for: please slow things down, if he said these words then the play would STOP or slow down. All those involved knew this and would adhere to it.. Person A was given a guide as to when it would take place (ie with in the next 3 days) Person A was so excited every moment waiting in anticipation for it to happen. Finally it did and Person A was kidnapped by his Mistresses friends and he had the best experience. It was everything and more that he and his Mistress had chatted about over the previous months. You must keep in mind that this was a ROLE PLAY ... This all went well because it was ADULTS who were acting in a responsible and safe manner. Every precaution was taken by everyone involved to make sure Person A would remain Safe both physically and mentally.
Example B: Person A is walking home from the shop when a car with 4 people get out and start to push him around. They want his watch and gold chain and he wont give them over so they punched him in the chest and picked him up and threw him in the boot. He had no idea what was happening and was totally petrified. This was NOT FUN ... this was extremely scary and he feared for his Life. This WAS NOT a ROLE PLAY this was Real and he started to panic while he lay curled up in the boot. He felt a tingling down his arm and within moments a very sharp pain in his chest. He called out for help repeatedly but he was ignored. He tried to bang and kick in the boot but it was no use. The pain in his chest got worse and he screamed out but the people in the car continued to ignored his cries for help. A few moments later he had a heart attack and died.
Hopefully the two examples above show just how different a situation can be ... . Negotiated play between Consenting Adults should be
a Good experience ....being placed in a non-consensual situation where you feel
unsafe or in pain etc is ABUSE and it is NOT what BDSM & D/s are about.
Question
My friend is married to a man who hits her and messes with her head...... he is very Dominant towards her and she is very submissive to him. This is what I "thought" BDSM was until I chatted to someone from the scene who explained things to me.
Sadly again, some people have the wrong idea that
domestic violence and physical Abuse are condoned by our community or what BDSM is about. Any form of non-consensual abuse be it emotional, physical
psychological or sexual etc are NOT what BDSM or D/s is about and definitely NOT
condoned by people from this lifestyle..
SAFE, SANE, CONSENSUAL Play between adults IS. It is supposed to be a GOOD experience!
Your friend is probably scared out of her wits ....... not necessarily
submissive and although the man may have a Dominant nature ....... a Dominant in
our lifestyle is a caring and loving person ....... this does NOT sound like a
caring and loving person!
Question
I was watching a movie one night and a TV commercial come on and it was of a guy who was dressing in his partners clothes and his female partner came home and caught him.... the other that springs to mind is a woman with a paddle in her hand spanking a guy who is stark naked bending over a table. Do you think that the media and the general public are becoming a lot more open minded about BDSM etc ? Also I saw your video the other night at a friends house and I would like to say congratulations on making a "sensible" and very informative video on the scene. It covers so many questions and I think it would be great to see it on TV. We chatted for ages after about so many subjects you presented. I especially liked the tall guy who seemed really nervous showing us how to use a flogger..... I think that is how I would be .......the bloopers at the end were great too! No doubt you all had fun making it and everyone was very brave to be in it! Thanks!
I have also seen the commercials you
speak about and was a little taken back when I saw them. Taken back in a nice
way that is. *smile* ..... although I thought the spanking one may not have been
appropriate for early viewing audience (ie not something I feel young kids
should see) . Yes I totally agree that I see more and more advertising companies
and films using D/s or BDSM more and more. In fact, the other night I saw a
latest released video where a man had a Mistress who would hit him very hard and
then he would hit her back. It was pretty full on for a nilla movie. Sadly I
think it may have given a negative effect to the nilla viewer - ie once again
promoting physical violence with BDSM, however .... it did show it was
Consensual.
I am glad you enjoyed our video Sugar & Spikes and who knows ...... maybe
one day you may see it on commercial TV *grin*. Stranger things have
happened! The tall guy in the video is Snake and YES he was Verrrrrrrrrrrry
nervous but he did a great job, as did everyone else. Glad you enjoyed it.
Question
Can you please explain to me what a submissive person is because I was having a debate with some friends and they recon it is someone who is weak..
Your friends are so wrong!
Submissives are the strongest people I know! Based
on my own personal experiences, I have know submissives who are chatty,
dedicated, loud, cute, quiet, powerful, shy, manipulating, devoted, loving,
caring etc. You see ...... I believe submissives are all sorts of people with
some who choose to "play" the submissive role when "they"
want to and others who are just that way. Same goes for the Dominants I
know.
Oh its a colorful and interesting world we live in *smile*
Question
My partner and I are just a regular couple in our 30's and we were talking the other night about coming along to one of your functions. The only problem is we are not really into BDSM or D/s...but I do like to wear my sexy latex skirt and top for for him and he loves to watch me dance. Can you please let us know if there are any other couples attending who don't really get into the BDSM side, or would we look out of place?
You would definitely NOT look out of place and in fact there is another couple who come along who also have lots of fun with the lady dancing for her partner. They both have heaps of fun and sometimes other people join in and start to dance along with them. This other lady especially loved being in our cage dancing. You see, Hush Now is a function for Adults to have FUN ... the music is not deafening and there are no drugs or sex allowed. It is a function where you can wear all your sexy outfits and not feel out of place. It is NOT compulsory to be into BDSM or D/s to come along to Hush Now, however having FUN is !! Although we are now in a tiny venue and space is a little limited to dance .. we still have fun *trying* to :-)
Question
Although I have been on the internet for sometime I still consider myself pretty new to BDSM and have only played once at a private play party with a male DOM I met off the internet. The problem I experienced was he seemed to be more interested in those people around us when we were playing, than with ME! On both occasions he was flogging me and the flogger was wrapping around my hip and he did not stop when I safe worded .... I believe he could not hear me because he was too busy singing along with the loud music while flogging me. When he tried to flog my shoulder he would totally miss and it would flick hard on my neck. ( Not a good feeling!) I tried to speak to him about this after the play finished but he was more interested in getting back to his friends. You know, I chatted to him for sometime on the internet and in emails before meeting with him but that now seems to have been a total waste of time. Obviously NO MATTER how experienced some people SAY they are, I think you should tell NEW people to stand back and WATCH someone's play "style" and look out for the SHOW OFFS!! They are DANGEROUS!! This experience has NOT dampen my enthusiasm and I am planning a trip to Melb that will coincide with a Hush Now function.
I could not agree more.
Show Offs are VERY DANGEROUS and that is excellent advice, to stand back
and watch a person's play style before taking the plunge. What he was doing is
known as "wrap around" and it can be very painful and leave terrible bruising
or cause a terrible injury. To not listen out for your safe word = Totally
Irresponsible Jerk and UNSAFE. If more people practiced using a flogger on a
cushion at home to help with their aim that would help. I am glad this experience
has not dampened your enthusiasm and we look forward to meeting you at a Hush
Now function.
Question
Can you please tell me the difference
between a Private House Play Party and an event such as Hush Now which is held
in a public place and any advice you could offer. .
Yes Hush Now is held in a public venue which means we are restricted in some
forms by adhering to things like the venue owners liquor license (as they offer a fully
stocked bar and may have to close at a certain time) and at times their
personal preference of what they deem as acceptable forms of entertainment etc.
We are however not as restricted by numbers of patrons, (depending on the venue
size etc) and therefore do not need to have an invite only situation, nor any
screening of patrons other than not allowing people under 18 nor those who walk
in off the street. Although we do not allow any sexual penetration at Hush Now, stripping
down to your G-String is permitted if it's in the context of a play.
There are many
*PRIVATE* functions held at peoples homes or in Private venues around Australia
and although I have only attended a small number, I have had both good and
bad experiences. The good were *Great* and run by sensible and organized people
who worked hard to provide safe, responsible and fun parties. They were
able to offer either open play areas or more private and closed areas etc. The
bad were the total opposite and in my opinion just a money making venture with
no consideration given to providing a safe environment.
No doubt your perception of a good play party and how it is run and mine may
differ so I therefore suggest you use your common sense, if you are going
alone let a friend know where you are going and if at all possible check around
and try to find other people who have been and get numerous feedback.
Also, ask the organizers lots of questions and tell them of any concerns (if
any) you may have.
I know too well running Hush Now that no matter how hard you work or how
much you try, you can not possibly please all the people all the time, and I am
sure the same goes for many party / function organizers. You may find one party
may not be your cup of tea while another is. You may also come across
people who will knock clubs like Hush Now purely out of jealousy or a pathetic
frustration derived from things like: being pulled up by either myself or a Hush
Now helper for not acting in a manner we deem as safe. etc. etc. Therefore you
need to use your own judgment and for goodness sake pack some
sensibility. You may come across people at both private or public functions that
you find rude, pushy, loud, overbearing, know it all and down right dickheads...
and on the other hand you may find you have met some really terrific, happy,
sensible, kind and fun people. It is my personal opinion that a very
small handful of people use these functions / parties as a means to hit on new
people in an attempt to coheres or intimidate them into participating in scenes
etc. they may not normally do. In this event may I suggest you practice the
words " NO THANKS " or "BUGGAR OFF" . For the most part I
believe parties or functions held by sensible and responsible organizers in a private home or public venue etc.
are a great place to meet some really interesting, fun and nice people and a
great way build new friendships.
In closing, if you have had a crappy experience at a private party / or public
function or met someone who has been rude or upset you, then either speak
to the organizers on the night or at the least call them or send them an email. Alternately
if you have been to a Great private party held at someone's home then
don't forget to thank them.
Question
I read recently that
Hush Now went to Launceston and I think it's just fantastic that you take
the show on the road.. so to speak. I wondered if you ever make it to
Adelaide at all as I would love to attend one of your functions but don't have
the money to travel to Melbourne.
Yes we did all head down to Launceston to hold a Hush Now
function and it was great! Over the past 6 years we have been to Adelaide and
Sydney as well and it's wonderful to be able to hold our function interstate and
meet some really terrific people. We do our best to head off at least once a
year interstate, so please keep an eye on our functions page for details.
As for heading back to Adelaide ... although it's not on the drawing board at
the moment .... you just never know!
Question
I am in my fifties and very worried that I will be the oldest submissive female at your Hush Now function. Can you please tell me if any other more mature people come to your club.
Amazingly I get asked
this question quite a lot so I thought I would include it on my page. To all
those sumbissives and Dominants who are in their prime years, please rest
assured you are NOT ALONE! In fact, and as previously mentioned somewhere
on my site, we got a LOT more mature aged people attending Hush than younger
people. I know there is a group called the Under 30's who are BDSM enthusiasts
and now and then some pop along to Hush, however I would say on a more regular
basis we get folks coming along who are in the older bracket.
Question
I remember reading on line or in a chat room where you took a submissive Under Your Protection at Hush Now and I made out I knew what they were talking about but I really didn't understand. Can you please explain to me what it means.
It's just a term I use
when someone has contacted me and they are VERY nervous (usually submissive
females) and they feel frightened or venerable about coming along on their own.
So what I offer is for them to stay with me for the whole time they are at Hush.
Remain by my side and not have to chat to anyone but rather just look, watch and
learn. I also let any Dominants in the room know that this person is *Under My
Protection* and they then understand not to approach the submissive but rather
chat to me if they have any questions they may wish to ask about her. More often
than not and after a couple of hours, most submissives seek permission to sit
and chat to new people they have met and comfortable with, (and whom I know)
while also knowing I am just a LOOK away! I do feel it allows some new
submissive females to relax a lot more especially if they have had a bad
experience or have been hit on a lot or they just want the feeling of security.
If this is something you feel would help you then send me an email to :-
info@hushnow.com.au
If you look down here you will get to see my two
babies .... just thought I would toss in a picture of them both.
The one at the right is Vee and the one at the left is Hush.
(otherwise known as mum & dad)
And down here are their three babies...Buddha,
Elvis and Indy
Please keep the Questions coming as it is great to hear from you all.